I made an e-book!

It's been a long while since I have posted. Rest assured, my goodbye letter to Seattle was not a goodbye to this blog.

However saying goodbye to Seattle and starting my long transition toward a brand new state (I'll eventually be landing in Madison WI this winter/spring) has been quite a task. Writing of course has remained a constant but finding time to refine my words has proven a challenge.

I have been putting work into a personal writing project for the past few months. As some of you may now I've been experiencing some health problems lately. The problems themselves aren't new but their severity and frequency have spiked in the last six months. I've been learning how to navigate the world at a reduced capacity and it's been tough. More than just physically.

I made a project out of documenting the disconnect and frustration I felt with my body, the medical industry, and my own conception of self.

I am really excited to announce that in addition to the various hard copies of Symptoms I've been printing out and sending off to my loved ones I finally took the plunge and e published the contents of this collection via amazon.

This is the result.

I wanted to share it with the world. I've wanted to since I finished the project last month.

Hell, it was tough not to immediately publish some of the things that came out of this project right here on this blog.

So sorry to have held out on y'all but it needed to be a collection. As recourse I'll let you taste the preface:

Crafting records, quiet bravery, and beginnings


This is just a beginning.

We all know what it is to want to feel better than how we're feeling. This is a beginning because the work of becoming comfortable in our bodies is never finished. This work deserves recognition. It is my hope that the pieces in this collection offer a safer space to recognize the discomfort of living. 

In the following pages I detail my own experience of discomfort, frustration, and conflict within my own body. In doing so I have crafted as true a record as I can of my body's experiences. I, like so many, often misread or misremember my body's signals. So when there are minute shifts in my functions and capabilities it can feel like my body has betrayed me. Having this record reminds me that when it comes to my body there is not a “normal” and that my expectations can always and often should be changed. 

Going through uncomfortable body stuff has challenged me to surrender to uncertainty as much as I can. And to really listen for new information about how to live in my body more sustainably. This surrender requires a new kind of bravery. One that is quiet and almost invisible, but a bravery that has become vital to my survival.
On your journey through the words that follow and beyond, I hope that you find this bravery and that it carries you from beginning to a place where you can feel better than you're feeling now.

If you've already received a paper copy of Symptoms buying an ebook version is a great way to show your support of my writing.

If you don't have an e-reader or really really just want a paper copy let me know and I'll send you one by post.

Thanks.

This is a response to Roxanne Gay's

AMAZING piece about trigger warnings. Please read it before you read my response. I agree with the point that trigger warnings can provide false utopian senses of security which need to be challenged. But I still think they have incredible value.

Trigger warnings are vitally useful in the age of the internet where there is no actual physical space to catalogue information. The inverse of "everything is a trigger for someone" is that no one is able/available to engage in (potentially triggering) information on disparate topics at all times. Context matters. Especially physical context (which the internet can't account for). I'd like to know if an article might make me cry or rage before I read it in the bathroom at a family reunion. (true story)

On the internet pics of kittens can be tabbed right next to a post about rape/rape culture. Sometimes even in reverse as an effort offer relief. The transition between these two hunks of information is sometimes helped immensely by a few words (a trigger warning). In other words a trigger warning is courteous to your audience because it considers their possible context/history. It acknowledges that, based on cultural trends, certain topics will probably be more triggering to certain populations others. This is not coddling, this is using assumptions based on cultural trends to allow others to make space for how they are likely to receive certain info. It's internet polite, if you will. 

The information on the internet is very different from the information in a book/magazine/pamphlet. A book has a jacket/cover, a blurb, some imagery, a table of contents, and sometimes even an introduction or preface; a protestor or a promoter probably handed you a pamphlet at a specific location/event; magazines have tons of images and thoughtful layout. When it comes to analogue reading/viewing we're often much more primed for how to receive that content. Internet/digital content is usually sorely lacking in this sort of contextualizing information.

A trigger warning attempts to provide some of the same context-centering information. Maybe one day we won't need them, but while we're still transitioning from a print culture to a digital information one, they serve to make transitions between contexts smoother.

Trigger warnings provide a form of notation. They let folks know what sort of information they're about to access. If I think of the internet like a huge library of information I know there are sections of information/books I don't want to access at certain times (I would not go to the horror section in the middle of the night, or to the erotica section after being assaulted, or the sexual assault memoirs section at while trying to research marine biology).

I am a fan of trigger warnings as both a reader and a writer. They give me & my readers information that helps us decide when and where to read a text. As a writer I am always considering how an audience will receive a message. Trigger warnings help in this regard. They may be inelegant but they serve their function.

I don't think that trigger warnings make the internet (or any other space) "safer" but I do think they provide more information we can use to navigate tough information (like a map or table of contents). They're a tool for helping us switch contexts more smoothly.